{"id":27514,"date":"2023-08-31T14:27:18","date_gmt":"2023-08-31T13:27:18","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/mcclellandmedia.com\/blog\/?page_id=27514"},"modified":"2025-07-03T19:34:05","modified_gmt":"2025-07-03T18:34:05","slug":"writing-2","status":"publish","type":"page","link":"https:\/\/mcclellandmedia.com\/blog\/writing-2\/","title":{"rendered":"Writing"},"content":{"rendered":"

A page for some of my writing.<\/h2>\n

I’m planning on sharing some of my Poetry, Comedy Sketches, and Stories here.<\/h3>\n

I’ve written for years. Some of the work, mostly sketches, has been performed.
\nI’ve performed some of my poetry and writing at Open Mic sessions.
\nAnd some Sketches have been heard on Radio.
\nI’m now being brave and sharing here.<\/p>\n

Hope you enjoy.<\/p>\n

All material \u00a9David McClelland
\nContact me to copy\/print\/perform any of these works.
\ndave@mcclellandmedia.com<\/a><\/strong><\/h5>\n

NEW WRITING ADDED TO THE TOP<\/h2>\n
\n

CANAL WALK, 14\/5\/2023<\/b><\/h3>\n

On May 14th I joined writer Anne Grange<\/a> on a writing walk, organised through the Writers Workshop<\/a>, setting off from the centre of Sheffield, catching a tram to the Meadowhall area of the Canal, then walking along the towpath back towards the city. This is what I wrote along the way.<\/p>\n

\"\"
Perfect spot for zombie apocalypse<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Words and water
\nFlowing through the city
\nFlowing through my mind
\nFlowing from my pen<\/p>\n

Cathedral tram stop
\nSurrounded by old stone buildings
\n<\/span>Banks sold off, now pubs and flats
\nYears of marble and fancy wooden counters
\nBecome supermarkets, coffee shops – cheque mate\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Gladstone building overlooks cathedral
\n<\/span>Fancy roof, wrought-iron finials and cresting,
\n<\/span>looking like inland widow\u2019s walks, gothic trim that\u2019s stood the test of time.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Catch Full Monty tram
\nFamiliar faces from their stripping days
\nNow aging and on Disney Plus
\nCan I leave my hat on?<\/p>\n

Tram seats worn edged
\nFrom years of bums on fabric
\n<\/span>Bodies leave their mark and move along
\nHold tight!
\nCathedral, Hyde Park, Cricket Inn Rd
\nGet thee to Nunnery Square
\n<\/span>Tram route map has pretensions of being the London Underground
\n<\/span>Attercliffe Stop, a Cliff no more
\nCentretainment and Olympic Legacy Park<\/p>\n

The valley once lined with smoking steel works
\nNow home to leisure industries
\n<\/span>Carbrook, IKEA
\nSweden won Eurovision again
\nMamma Mia, how things change, money money, money…<\/p>\n

Doors open on to Meadowhall South stop\u2026
\nCanal and River
\nTwin waterways
\n<\/span>Run under twin viaduct
\n<\/span>Double layers of cars and trucks
\nSpeed above the geese and ducks
\nSlower water traffic on 19th century navigation
\n<\/span>Fences and Barriers to keep out intruders under viaduct
\nPerfect spot to escape the zombie apocalypse\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Tread the towpath by the canal
\nAging infrastructure, pump houses, locks
\nClose by trains and roads,
\nMore modern replacement for water transportation
\n<\/span>No horse pulling barges now
\nAll gentrified
\nThe towpath now a walking trail
\nMarina home to nomadic water dwellers
\nConstant sound of filling and flowing, bird song in a green corridor, a distant hum of traffic and industry\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Glimpses of new development through trees and over walls
\nPower line pylons criss cross the watery artery to the heart of the city
\nFollow the water to the west
\n<\/span>Graffitied walls and ramshackle works
\nKeep watery world a secret<\/p>\n

Walkers and cyclists squeezing by on narrow paths under tight bridges
\nThen canal basin opens up
\nWhere city meets water with bars and restaurants
\nOld canal warehouse now funky flats and offices
\nRest the legs and reflect
\nCold beer and hot pizza while we watch the ducks<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

\n

Stripy towel<\/b><\/h3>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

Farewell stripy towel
\nYour daily duties done
\nYou once were bath sheet luxury
\nBut now your fluff has gone<\/p>\n

You\u2019ve rubbed me up
\nAnd rubbed me down
\nDried my private bits
\n<\/span>But now you\u2019re thin and threadbare
\nHave holes and pulls in bits<\/p>\n

So one last time it\u2019s wash and dry
\nThen folded up and stored
\nReady for emergencies
\nLike when water floods the floor\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Take to beach to sit upon
\nOr to dry up a wet doggy
\nTo use in an emergency
\n<\/span>When something\u2019s getting soggy\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Now there\u2019s a new towel on the hook
\nSo blue and full of fluff
\nCome, wrap yourself around me
\nWhen I\u2019m wet and in the buff<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

\/DM 6\/9\/23<\/strong><\/p>\n

\n

Back to school song (Sept 2023)<\/b><\/h3>\n

Oh my school is falling down
\nFalling down Falling down
\nOh my school is falling down
\nBlame the Tories<\/p>\n

\/In response to School Concrete Debacle<\/em>\u00a0– DM 5\/9\/2023<\/strong><\/p>\n

\n

The wasp won\u2019t go<\/b><\/h3>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

Dead wasp on window bottom
\nI didn\u2019t know what to do
\nSo wrapped it up in tissue
\nAnd threw it in the loo<\/p>\n

Could have used the bin
\n<\/span>But I was in a rush
\nRegretting it now though
\nCos the wasp won\u2019t flush<\/p>\n

It\u2019s tissue paper wrapping
\nShot off around the bend
\nBut the wasp is on the surface
\nWon\u2019t meet its watery end<\/p>\n

I cover it with toilet paper
\n<\/span>Flush it once again
\nBut after swirling turbulence
\n<\/span>The wasp carcass remains\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

I wait for my next visit
\n<\/span>Then shoot at it with wee
\nA bit more toilet paper
\nBut it\u2019s exit\u2019s not to be<\/p>\n

Another wait, it\u2019s time to poo
\nI bare my bum to stinger
\nDrop a few depth charges, flush
\n<\/span>But no, the wasp still lingers<\/p>\n

It spent a good few hours
\nFloating in my little pond
\n<\/span>But my final movement of the night
\nSent it to the great beyond<\/p>\n

\/DM 23\/8\/23<\/strong><\/p>\n

Me performing THE WASP WON’T GO<\/strong> –<\/p>\n